I have really been missing Cari a lot lately. I don't know that this will ever go away.
But, with Mother's Day quickly arriving - tomorrow - it is a bitter sweet celebration.
First and foremost, I think of my mom. I know it is so difficult to know that she will receive one fewer phone call to wish her a happy mother's day. The same is true for my step-mom. That breaks my heart.
Secondly, I know that this was one of Cari's heartbreaks, that she did not think that she herself would ever be a mom...no mate and medical issues to boot.
It's difficult because I need to focus, appreciate and enjoy the fact that I am a mom without the guilty feelings that may be lurking.
All this being said, I pray for God's peace for us all and thank God for loving Cari so that she may celebrate her mom's without any of these negative thoughts and feelings. Cari had two great moms, one who she was born to and one who she was given later, both huge blessings in her life.
She was surrounded by love, and I think that she just wanted to pass that on to children of her own. I can only hope and pray that she is able to love on all of the little ones who may be with her in Heaven.
1 comment:
Cari is a beautiful daughter that somehow did not realize her value to others in her life. We all miss her terribly but know that the immense pain she was feeling has subsided. I only hope that Cari's message may prevent someone else from pursuing the path that Cari followed. She lives in her hearts and I know in my heart that Jesus was reaching out to her as she made that final decision. I some times question why he did not stop her. I always prayed that he would be in her heart as I know she would sometimes struggle with demons that would lower her self worth. The peace I do have, which still does not lessen the hurt of losing her, is that he did answer my prayer and I know he was there to reach out to her and take her hand to let her know that she should have no more fear, anxiety or hurt about who she is. I know that she did not make that final journey, which I also know was very difficult, by herself but had the love of the Lord to comfort her. Only He knows the true pain our beautiful Cari experienced. I know that some day I will see her beautiful smiling face again and be able to hold my loving and wonderful daughter again. Until then Cari, know that we all love you, miss you and slowly have comprehended way!
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